When I was a kid, there were countless lame excuses for not getting your homework done in time.
''My grandmother died."
''The dog peed on it."
''The dog peed on my dead grandmother.''
"I left my book in school with my dead peeing dog and my dead grandmother."
You get the drift. When anyone ever used one of these lame excuses, you'd roll your eyes and say, ``There's no way anyone can get away with that!''
Well, there's a new excuse in the world that has taken the place for the dog peeing on your homework and Grandma buying the farm.
It's called ''getting hacked."
Sure thing, nowadays, you can put something on Facebook and Twitter and take it back, simply by saying your account was hacked.
Everyone gets their accounts hacked, don't they? It's like the evil gremlins come up from the basement, take over your social media accounts, then put very bad things up when you're not watching. Those evil gremlin hackers. The nerve of them.
That has to be the reason why former Congressman Anthony Weiner had so many pictures of his body and his package on Twitter and Facebook, right? The gremlins came up and put those pics of his package on the Internet.
Well, that's what Weiner first said when the pics appeared. "Someone hacked my account." Yeah, that was believeable. Weiner was in fact indignant and downright confrontational when the story broke, insisting that someone else had to take those pictures and send them to other women. Must have been the evil bad gremlins.
Well, there are two other high-profile football players, both of whom played their high school football in my home area of Hudson County, who offered the same lame excuse.
Will Hill, the former St. Peter's Prep superstar football player, the best gridder to ever play football in Hudson County, had posts on his Twitter page that featured a shirtless Hill with two caucasian women about waist high, bragging that he received oral sex while driving, had sex at the crack of dawn with some woman who appeared at his door, and enjoyed marijuana blunts all the time.
This bastion of glory now also has three children with two different women and he's just 21 years old. He's going after Antonio Cromartie's making baby record.
When the account of Hill's tweets appeared online in a webpage devoted just to him, entitled "The Everyday Life of Will Hill," Hill denied that he wrote the posts, claiming his account was hacked. Yeah, right. That's dog pee to me.
Now, we get the saga of Bayonne native Kenny Britt, who posted last week on Facebook ''F-CK GODDELL," toward NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell (guess Britt missed those Hooked on Phonics classes at Rutgers) and that he was ready to retire if the NFL suspended him for his recent and numerous infractions with the law.
When you get arrested one time, it might be a mistake. But Britt's been arrested seven times in the last 18 months. That's a trend.
Anyway, a day after the posts appeared on Britt's Facebook page, he denied writing them, claiming his account was hacked.
Imagine that. Another bad deed by the evil hacking gremlins.
I find it comical that Britt was threatening retirement, because the law and the NFL just might retire Britt on their own and take away his Tennessee Titan jersey for an orange jump suit. What team is going to want to take a chance on him now?
So remember, the next time you go to the grocery store and forget the eggs that your wife wanted you to buy or you show up late for some event, I have the excuse.
"My account was hacked." Hey, it's the excuse that Weiner, Hill and Britt used. It might just work for you as well.
The dog peeing has become a thing of the past.
I'm personally glad that gays and lesbians can now marry in New York. It never made sense to me that if two people want to get married, they should have the right, regardless if they are from the same gender.
Two groups that have to be happy with this new law? Catering halls and lawyers. Because there will be more weddings to hold and there will, of course, be more divorces to settle.
Everyone's ecstatic. But honestly, it's a law that makes total sense.
Glad to see former Mets manager Davey Johnson back in baseball with the Washington Nationals. I was one who thought that Davey should have never been fired the first time by the Mets, that he was a solid manager who knew how to use his lineup to the fullest.
In fact, we've had a parade of clowns as managers since, starting with the buffoon who replaced Davey, the immortal Bud Harrelson, who as a manager was one hell of a shortstop. And after that, we had Jeff Torborg, Dallas Green, Art Howe, Willie Randolph and Jerry Manuel. WOW, what a bunch of clods that is. Bobby Valentine held his own as a manager, so he is excluded from the group of hooples.
However, I like the job Terry Collins has done with this rag-tag team and to think he still has them hovering near .500 as July approaches with no offense to speak of. However, it will be great to see Davey come back to Citifield later this year.
I'm sick and tired of hearing ridiculous stories of New Jersey AAU baseball coaches and programs charging kids thousands of dollars to play baseball. That's right, thousands.
Where do these so-called ''baseball experts'' get off charging those ridiculous fees? There have been travel baseball teams for decades and they operated on fundraising, not collecting fees.
It's absurd to think these people are making bundles at the expense of kids.
There's one program in Bergen County that currently charges $4,000 per kid to play baseball. And the AAU program guarantees things like college placement and pro scouting. PRO SCOUTING??? FOR 13 YEAR OLDS?
For four grand, my kid would have had to receive something with four wheels and an engine.
That's nothing short of highway robbery. There are some highly recognizable names involved with this deception and thievery, former pro scouts, even former Major League players.
It's a disgrace. It shouldn't happen, especially when dealing with baseball. It shouldn't be a money-making process. It should be kids playing the national pastime.
You can read more of my work at www.hudsonreporter.com, www.theobserver.com and www.daily record.com