Terence Matthews: A man's gentleman and truly a gentle man

Terry Matthews recalled perhaps his favorite story about his late father, Terence, who died last week at the age of 83.

“I guess I was about 11 years old,” said the younger Matthews, who is the associate principal and dean of students at Hudson Catholic. “I was friends with perhaps the coolest kid in the neighborhood. He was everything a kid wanted to be. I was having a baseball catch with my Dad. This kid walked over and just started to throw the ball back and forth with me and my Dad.”

Mr. Matthews taking the time to play catch with the kid really resonated with his son, especially after hearing the reaction from the kid.

“He said to me, ‘Man, you’re lucky, because your Dad plays catch with you,’” Terry Matthews said. “My Dad took the time to play catch with him and any other kid that came around. My Dad sensed that this kid had no father and that no 11-year-old kid should never have to worry about having someone to throw the ball with.”

That one summer afternoon in Terry’s childhood stood out.

“It made an impression upon me,” Terry Matthews said. “He understood it was the right thing to do. He got it.”

From left, the late Terence Matthews, his son Terry and grandsons Eamonn and Liam Matthews. The elder Matthews died last week

Terence Matthews certainly “got it” when it came to dealing with adolescents his entire life. His professional life spanned five decades with the Jersey City Board of Education, including six years as the principal at Snyder High School and another 13 years as the principal at Ferris High School. He held the highest position at two tough schools in the inner-city, yet never bemoaned his status. In fact, he embraced it and welcomed it.

“He was proud of being a principal,” his son said. “He worked hard at it. It was a passion for him. He took a lot of pride in his job.”

He also took a lot of pride in his son’s friends. Mr. Matthews was an avid reader of my work and would freely criticize me when he thought I wrote something wrong, yet praised me when he agreed with something I put in my column. Believe it or not, the praise probably came just as much as the criticism. He was fair and stern and trustworthy and faithful all rolled into one.

And I’m not alone with such treatment. I’m willing to guess that Mr. Matthews was that way with practically every kid he came across. He might have given me preferential treatment because I was his son’s friend, but it didn’t seem that way to me. He was the same strict disciplinarian with me as he was with his students.

The best way I can describe Terence Matthews is this: He was a gentleman, class all the way. And he was a gentle man, kind, considerate, a man with a gigantic heart who cared for so many others.

The word can be utilized two ways _ a gentle man as a man whose heart was bigger than Montgomery Street; and a gentleman, a man with class and dignity.

That best describes Terence Matthews. He was the gentle man’s gentleman.

After graduating from St. Peter’s Prep, Terry went to Rutgers University, but really didn’t have a career path when he first started attending classes.

“I just started to gravitate towards education,” Terry said. “I never anticipated it at all. I was an English major, but I wasn’t a career path guy. It just happened organically.”

Of course, it didn’t hurt that one of Jersey City’s top educators and administrators resided in the same house with Terry.

“He provided guidance to me,” Terry Matthews said of his father. “I was able to get his opinion on everything. As long as I did it and did it well, my father didn’t care. As long as the kids were my focal point, then my father was a great role model to have.”

Matthews said that he received several cards, notes and e-mails from former students after his father’s passing.

“People wrote to me, saying that they were an ungrateful teen,” Matthews said. “And they said after meeting and talking with my father, they went from being an ungrateful teen to a grateful young man. When it came to other teachers, he didn’t demand respect. He didn’t command respect, but I bet he got it. He was logical, yet empathetic. He was always looking out for kids. He just had that presence. There was no bullshit about him. You saw what you got. The kids recognized that he cared for them.”

Mr. Matthews lost his wife, Catherine, a little more than a decade ago. They were married 45 years and had five children – sons Terry and Sean and girls Michelle, Katie and Megan. Mr. Matthews was blessed with 12 grandchildren. After losing his first wife, Mr. Matthews fell in love again with Alana and got remarried nine years ago. Mr. Matthews is also survived by his sister Helen Alosa.

Terry Matthews said that he lost his hero last week.

“He’s still my hero and always has been my hero,” Terry Matthews said. “The one thing that stands out about him is that he was a man of his word. He had a tremendous heart.”

Terence Matthews retired as the Ferris principal in 1999. He then bounced around a little with limited work responsibilities as Bogota’s acting principal. He also served in similar capacities at Hoboken.

The sad thing about his passing was what the COVID 19 pandemic has done to the country, that he was prevented to have a wake and funeral with everyone getting a chance to say farewell.

But it turned out the way Terence Matthews liked it.

“He wasn’t a man who liked showing off,” Terry Matthews said of his father. “He wouldn’t have wanted a big funeral, a huge sendoff. But without the COVID restrictions, there would have been a big turnout. It’s ironic that he didn’t get the tremendous send off that he deserved.”

Terence Matthews certainly deserved a grandiose farewell. He deserved to know that thousands of people cared for him, respected him, absorbed his words like it was the Bible and accepted his advice, whether you wanted it or not.

That’s just what a principal does, the head honcho at two of Jersey City’s toughest facilities of secondary education. Terence Matthews fit the part perfectly like he was a retired colonel in the U.S. Army. He certainly looked the part.

Jersey City lost a true giant of education, a true legend of a man, a gentleman and a gentle man. No question, he will be missed, by family, friends and comrades alike.

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Bill Raftery lost his sister, Sister Frances, last week as well.  Sister Frances, who was also known for a while as Sister Rita, lived a full life to the end. She was working out earlier in the day at Strulowitz and Gargiulo, rehabbing a bad shoulder and such. Billy Raftery adored his sister and used her a lot in his play by play announcing. Sister Rita was 75 years old. Incredibly, "Billy Raf" lost his brother, beloved man Frannie, just a few months ago and now loses Sister Rita. Tough times for the Raftery family. God bless Sister Rita.

As for this COVID-19 pandemic, I think the smart thing is to take it easy and slow as things try to get back to normal. I can't see how everyone is going to flock to the Jersey Shore in two weeks and think that everything is back to normal. I think that everyone heading to the shore in one swoop is dangerous, especially after what we've endured. Slow and steady and we'll be back. Just don't think that everything is hunky dory for Memorial Day because it really won't be.